Confused Woman!

Spring has sprung and ’tis the season for change.  At least in my life anyways.  Co-workers are coming and going.  My husband and me are planning to sell our home and move to an apartment so he can fulfill his dream of being a full-time musician.  The lake home my parents have had for over 20 years will be sold so they can retire to a smaller place with little or no maintenance.  Lots of change.  People say change is good.  It can be depending on the circumstances.

I was fat and lost weight.  Good change.  I lost my job, my husband dumped me for the coffee shop barista, and my online dating profile was removed due to lack of activity.  Bad change.  The changes that are occurring in my life aren’t necessarily bad.  Actually, they will probably be good, eventually.  It’s just the transition from old to new that takes time.  It doesn’t help that I’m not a young 20-something anymore so any change seems like a lot of work.  Sad, but true.

I have decided to try and embrace the changes that are coming my way versus trying to avoid them as I have done in the past.  The fear of the change, especially when it’s from something that was very comfortable and safe, is really unnerving.  However, some of those times have taught me the most about myself and how adaptable I really am.  Even if it was a bad change, in hindsight, you can usually find a silver lining.  There’s always a learning experience to be had from change.  Life’s one long lesson.  I’m slowly learning to live it one chapter at a time relishing some chapters and forcing myself through others but I hope in the end I will have loved every minute of it.

This past weekend I ran (well actually “slogged”) in my first 5k race.  My friends and me were hesitantly standing near the start line, wondering what on Earth we were thinking signing up for this.  The only motivators at the time were our iPods and hitting a bar for beer afterwards.  Oh, and finishing the race, of course and not being last (well, that was my motivator at least).

We started out well, all lined up together, united in our madness.  It soon became obvious, however, who had trained and who hadn’t.  The first one broke from the pack and soon disappeared into the crowd.  My second friend and I stayed close for a short while until her long legs propelled her in front of my short, stubby ones.  Damn genetics.

I did well at first.  Mile one came pretty fast and I thought this isn’t so bad.  Then came mile 2.  The mile marker seemed to take an eternity to appear.  My mind started torturing me, telling me, “You can’t do this.  Go ahead and walk.”  It was like the little devil in your ear.  Then the good angel appeared and said, “No, don’t walk.  Don’t quit.  Just keep playing songs…louder and faster.”

It worked.  The angel won.  I never realized what a head game running is.  The human body can handle it (unless you’re injured of course).  I wasn’t out of breath or sore while running.  My brain, however, was messing with me the entire time.  The negative thoughts kept creeping in and it took a lot of effort (and some loud kick-ass songs) to get rid of them.

I may not have finished first, but I certainly didn’t finish last.  I stayed slow and steady and somehow managed not to walk and finished.  The rush of crossing the finish line was enough to convince all of us to sign up for more races.  I now get the whole “runner’s high” thing.  It does exist and it’s sweet.  The beer and pizza after the race didn’t hurt either.

So….I am forever on a quest to get healthy.  Eat better.  Drink less.  Exercise more.  You get the point.  I’ll have moments where I’m doing really well and think, “This is it.  I’ve turned the corner and changed my bad habits.”  Then the holidays come (who am I kidding, any day of the week)…game over.

I thought I’d be really smart and sign up for a women’s running camp, thinking if I signed up for a class and paid money, I’d have to follow through.  I had my first session last night.  Holy crap.  This isn’t going to be pretty.

I arrived and found there were many women of all ages, shapes, and abilities.  Good.  Then I saw all the coaches in phenomenal shape licking their lips in anticipation of the pending torture of their victims (I mean students).  Not good.

We were divided into two groups.  The first group has never run a step in their life (excluding childhood of course).  The second group has done some running or is a professional athlete.  I’m placed in this group.  After we’re split up the second group has to run a timed mile to see which sub-group they will be in (people who have run more than a step before and lived to tell about it or professional athlete).

Thoughts raced back to high school track and my attempt at running a mile.  Complete humiliation was had after everyone had left the field and boarded the school bus waiting for me to finish.   Fabulous.  I’ll not only be lapped by the pros tonight but by the time I finish they’ll be getting into their cars and driving home.

I somehow manage to finish the run, barely.  I’m huffing and puffing and “slogging” to the finish line.  It ain’t pretty, but I did it.  So, I’m in the “slowsky” group but I don’t care.  At least I showed up and completed the run.  I would’ve much rather sat home and parked myself on the couch watching “American Idol” but I didn’t.

Am I fired up for next week?  Hell to the no.  But, I am motivated and inspired enough to go back for another torture session.  Besides, I was told the running store we’re meeting at before we run is owned by a hot guy…Sweet!!

Okay, I have a feeling a lot of people will be able to relate to this.  I purchased my first smart phone last winter and I’ve been hooked ever since.  I convinced myself I needed the phone for a few good reasons.

First, it looked cool, even if I didn’t know how to use it.  Second, it would help me if I was lost or needed to find the local coffee shop.  It would be a productive tool.  At least I told myself that initially.  However, that soon changed when I discovered “Angry Birds”.  Next came “Dice with Friends/Hanging with Friends/Words with Friends”.

I somehow justified these apps as being good stress relievers.  Launching little birds into pigs and watching them crash made me forget about the jerk who cut me off on my drive home.  Creating such a tough word that I stumped my friend in “Hanging with Friends”.  Oohh…what a rush.

These apps weren’t enough though.  I found the mother of all apps (for me anyways).  It’s called “The Night Sky” and it’s pure crack for me.  It’s not cool enough that the app plays creepy sci-fi music.  It also shows you the constellations, planets and satellites from your location (hey GPS can be used for more than getting lost).  I’ve always been a sci-fi geek.  If I could travel to the moon tomorrow I’d be the first on the shuttle.  This is the best 99 cents I’ve ever spent.

So, I don’t know if my smart phone has made me any smarter or dumber.  But, I can tell you one thing…being dumb never felt so good!