Dating Hell

7 Jun

I have a dear friend who is divorced with two children.  Ever since she found her new-found freedom she’s been actively pursuing male companionship.  As a married woman, I just sit back and watch the train wreck from afar, being eternally grateful I’m not on the dating scene.

Since we’re such a digital society nowadays, people rarely meet dating hopefuls face-to-face.  Gone are the days of thumping melons in the produce department while a hot guy looks at you like you’re a nut case.  We have now turned to the Internet and dating websites, which for better or for worse, is the most commonly used way to “meet” the opposite sex.

I must admit, back in my single days, I did turn to those sites.  It was fun to sit in the privacy of your own home and peruse the sites with a drink in hand, free to gush over or slam the men and their profiles (along with their photos that were always at least five years old and twenty pounds thinner).

As exciting as it was online, it was always disastrous in person.  The guy looked nothing like the photo and never lived up to the fairytale package he created on his page.  There were many times I’d be sitting in a restaurant or coffee shop and watch a guy come in and think, “Please don’t be him.  Keep walking, keep walking…oh no…he’s coming right towards me.  Quick, hide behind the menu!”

So when my friend told me she was  looking on these sites for a man I thought, “Oh no…here we go…creep alert.”  The first guy I met when she and I went out for drinks one night.  She made the mistake of telling him what restaurant we were at.  We’re having a great time and all of a sudden this guy appears out of nowhere with a dozen roses.  I thought someone was peddling them to make a buck but no, it was “Mr. Wonderful”.  I thought, “What a dork.”

After I made my quick exit, I emailed her and said she may want to look elsewhere but she thought he was her knight in shining armor.  That was until he started getting angry every time she wanted to go out without him.  I warned her he was controlling and to run away but she didn’t listen.  It wasn’t until he “magically” showed up at a restaurant we were at minutes after she told him the location she got the hint he was nuts and was a stalker/controlling psycho.

I thought after that fiasco she would turn to the produce department but alas, no.  She continued to check out the dating websites and found another “Mr. Fabulous”.  He said all the right things and was very interested in her.  She wanted me to meet him and give my opinion.  On the way to the coffee shop she asked me, “Do you think it’s weird that he makes a living selling knives on eBay?”

What?!  I thought she was joking but she was serious.  After I picked my jaw up off the floor she tried to make it sound better by adding, “They aren’t just any knives, they’re antique knives.”  Oh, so that makes it better.  Whew!  Is she nuts?  Antique or not, knives kill.  If he was selling sweaters and baseball hats on eBay I could maybe give him a chance but knives?  Hell to the no!

Needless to say, I told her to move on and stay away from the knife seller/crazy man.  Let’s hope the next time she introduces me to a man he’s in the checkout lane with a nice watermelon in hand.

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