It’s Just Milk, People!

Well, I survived serving milk at the “All You Can Drink Milkstand” at the State Fair.  I came out unscathed, except for being covered in sticky old milk and smelling like warm cottage cheese.  It was an interesting crowd, indeed.  I’ve never seen so many people so excited about milk.  Who knew there would be “Milk Mania” at the fair?

I was shocked by the sheer numbers of people who came back several times for a refill.  I kept thinking to myself, “This isn’t beer, people!  What’s wrong with you?”  What was even better was they were so specific about what they wanted:  half vanilla (white milk for those of us with an IQ over 50) and half chocolate, three-fourths white, one-fourth chocolate.  I was waiting for them to whip out their measuring cups to make sure I was getting it just right.

For the most part, the people were very friendly and appreciative.  One guy was so excited to get his milk refill he slammed the cup down on the counter and sprayed me with milk.  Thanks.  A few of the folks were downright grouchy, slamming down their cups and barking out “white!” or “chocolate!”.  Ever heard of please and thank you?  That’s right, I’m their milk bitch and I’m there just to serve them…how quickly I forget.

Then there was the kid who told one of the servers he wanted “nilla nilla”, which I guess is fancy slang for “2% white milk”.  I wish I would’ve waited on him to tell him we were out of “nilla nilla” but I’d be more than happy to pour him a “chocki wocki”.

I was tempted at times to say it was goat or horse milk, but I thought the milk sponsor might frown upon that.  We thought it might be fun next year to install squirt guns on the taps so we can save money on cups and make it a fun game at the same time.  So, there might be a few injuries but that’s what insurance is for!