Confused Woman!

Yikes!  It’s happened again…the holiday spirit has turned into holiday pounds.  We sing about a partridge in a pear tree but I feel like I’ve eaten the partridge AND the pear tree.  It’s awful.

Party after party, dessert tray after appetizer tray…it’s neverending.  Exercising?  Forget about it.  Who needs that after several nights of porking out and guzzling egg nog?

So, once again, I will start over with the new year.  Get my butt off the couch, throw away the last of the Christmas cookies, and start nuking Lean Cuisines.  I need to get in shape for swimsuit/harpooning season at the local beach.

Well, I survived day one on the new job.  I was a little (who are we kidding, a lot) worried about what my co-workers would be like.  All it takes is one lousy person to bring negative energy to the office and ruin it for everyone.

I was pleasantly surprised that everyone was very nice and normal.  No huge egos or bitchy personalities, thank God.  It’s always overwhelming to be the new guy and have to start all over again but in the end it’s a good thing.

Well, I decided it wasn’t enough change and drama to get a divorce so I thought I’d add a job change to the mix.  After five years at a University, I have decided to return to my roots and go back in to the Information Technology field in the private sector.  It will be a shock to the system to go from public to private, but it will be a good change.

I was in the IT field for many years after college but burned out and decided to pursue other career opportunities.  I was younger (and single) then and more willing to take chances.  I thought computers were “so boring” and it didn’t matter if I made a lot of money or not.  Being happy was far more important.

Fast forward ten years…a divorce, a small child, and suddenly the boring computer job that pays well isn’t so bad.  It’s funny how drastically priorities can change when circumstances necessitate it.  I no longer have the luxury of just doing “whatever” job.  There are bills to pay, mouths to feed, and bodies to clothe.  Being a single mom, I needed to be financially independent.  I wanted the security of knowing that if my ex-husband was greased by a semi on the way to work, I could take care of my kid.

I’m actually excited to go back to the field I started my career in.  It will be a challenge, which my current job very infrequently was.  Now don’t get me wrong, I liked my job and the people I worked with (for the most part), but it wasn’t challenging or stimulating.  I could do the job and was good at it, but it didn’t push my abilities, which at this point in my life I need.  It’s like I need to prove to myself that I am a strong, capable woman who doesn’t need a man to support her.

So, the snowglobe that represents myself is being turned upside down and shaken again.  It will be a little tumultuous at first, but in the end, the snow will settle and all will be calm and peaceful.

Well, I had the first date last week.  It went very well.  The next two nights, we texted for several hours.  Things were looking good for a next date.  He seemed very interested.  And then…silence.  No texting, no phone calls for two days.  I figured he was probably busy with his daughter, whom he has 50% custody of.

At the end of the second day of silence, I thought I’d send a friendly text wishing him a happy weekend.  He quickly replied, saying he was going to call me the other night but was too busy.  Hmmm.  I thought I’d give him the weekend with his daughter and I’d probably hear from him the following Monday when she’s at her Mom’s.

Nope.  Nothing.  It’s so bizarre.  We had a great time, texted for hours, and then zilch.  I don’t get it.  For someone that seemed so into me, it makes no sense why all of a sudden there’s no communication.  Did he find someone else?  Did he change his mind about me?  Is he lazy and expects me to chase him?  I started wondering if I texted something crazy or weird that would have turned him off?  Nope.  Nothing.

What the hell?  This dating thing is so frustrating.  You think things are great and then all of a sudden it’s not.  I’ve decided to forget about Mr. Potential and turn my focus onto other things.  Why put myself through this roller coaster ride?  Granted, match.com is entertaining, but it’s certainly not going to be the “end all be all” for finding the man of my dreams.  It will just be a fun place to check out some eye candy and cringe at all the creeps.  Friday nights never looked so good, right?

Well, I survived the first date.  I was such a nervous wreck all day and up until the moment I was escorted to the table at the restaurant.  It’s one thing to chat with someone via email and see pictures, but quite another to meet them in person.  Will they live up to the pictures?  Will they be as friendly as the emails or be a complete jerk?

I was pleasantly surprised that he did not look scary and did look like his pictures.  The conversation flowed smoothly (which explains why we were at the restaurant for 3 1/2 hours) and he asked me lots of normal questions.  I was waiting for the conversation to get all weird and perverted and it never did.  We actually talked a lot about our kids, our childhood, our likes/dislikes, and what we want for the future.

It was a great evening.  I have to say it was very nice to have someone treat me to dinner and not complain about how much it cost.  Someone who actually walked me to my car and said they enjoyed my company.  For once, it was great to feel important and attractive.

We’ve exchanged many texts since then and he’s indicated he’d like to see me again but who knows.  I would love to go out but if it doesn’t happen it ‘s not the end of the world.  At this point, the last thing I need is to get involved with someone.  I’m actually looking forward to having my independence and not having to answer to another person.

It was just a comfort knowing that after a divorce you can date again and are worthy of finding the perfect person for you.

Wow.  That’s all I have to say after being on match.com for a week.  I cannot tell you the amount of creepy perverts who have been “winking” at me or emailing me.  Yuck.  I seriously feel like I need to take a shower after being on my computer.

They barely say “Hi” and then the next email is telling me how sexy my photo looks.  Really?  Do these jerks think I’m that stupid to fall for a “Hey, baby” or “Sexy” comment?  Ugh.  It’s a complete turnoff and I’m quick to block them.  I think match is a total meat market and I’m the prey trying to escape the sharks.

However, I did manage to find a couple of guys that genuinely seemed nice.  The one I did talk to on the phone went on and on about his nasty divorce.  I don’t mind someone talking about it for a few minutes, but for an hour?  Too much drama and depressing for me.

The other guy seems very nice and has a daughter not much older than mine.  We are actually meeting tonight for a glass of wine and I’m so nervous my stomach is in knots.  I feel like I’m back in high school again hoping the cute boy will ask me out.  I’m crossing my fingers it will be a good experience and we won’t discuss exes for two hours.

Wish me luck…I will need it!