Archive | January, 2013

Lazy or Delusional?

30 Jan

Ugh, the dreaded internet dating.  I swore I would never do it again, but here I am, in the cyber world of dating hell.  You see the ads and you think, “Wow, maybe I really can find a decent guy online!”, and then you log on.

I swear, every creepy, disgusting, perverted weirdo on match somehow finds their way to your profile.  I sent out a ton of “winks” and emails to “normal” guys, hoping for a response, but in the end hear crickets.

I’m realistic in the fact that I know I’m not Jennifer Aniston but I’m certainly not a troll either.  So, I’ve come to the conclusion that these idiots on match are either lazy or delusional.  Lazy because they don’t want to take the time to pursue the women, expecting they’ll all come running to them because they’re oh so fabulous (insert finger down the throat motion here).  Delusional, because they’re glancing at your profile and expecting a Jennifer Aniston or a JLo when 99% of us don’t (or ever will) look like that.

You’re being assessed by a couple of photos you put on the site and do they even bother to read your profile?  No.  They instantly judge you by the pictures and decide you’re not worth pursuing.  I feel like chopped liver in the internet meat market.

Therefore, I have decided to end the madness and abandon the site for a while.  The frustration and lunacy of it all has driven me to look for other ways to pursue the opposite sex.  I think this weekend I’ll go to Cub and thump a few melons and act like I know anything about football while admiring the big screen TV’s at Best Buy.

Tramps Are Fun!

24 Jan

Alright you dirty-minded people…I’m not talking about THOSE kind of tramps.  I’m talking about trampolines.  I’ve rediscovered my youth, taking an aerobics class at a Skyzone indoor trampoline park last weekend.

The class is called “Skyrobics” and it’s a blast.  For an hour, you run laps on several mini trampolines, toss medicine balls with a partner while jumping, and work your core.  You’re sweating after the first five minutes and breathless after the first fifteen.

At first, I was a little nervous, since I hadn’t been on a trampoline since I was in elementary school.  It’s amazing how fast it comes back to you.  By the end of the class, I was back in the groove and bouncing with confidence.

There were women of all ages in the class.  A couple of women in their 50’s and 60’s were kicking our younger butts…very impressive.  The Skyzone website claims you can burn up to 1,000 calories during class.  I don’t know if I burned that many, but I know I sure earned my lunch afterwards!

So, if you’re bored with the treadmill, I highly suggest you give it a try.  It makes you feel like a kid again and it’s better than freezing your ass off running outside!

I Live in a Freezer

15 Jan

Ahhh…the joy of living in Minnesota in the winter.  One minute, it’s sunny and forty degrees.  The next minute, you’re living in a giant freezer, with snot frozen to your face and limbs falling off from frostbite.  Not pretty, my friends.

I have to admit, I do like one thing about winter…well, a few things.  One, my allergies are non-existent, which is awesome.  Two, there’s not a whole lot of crime going on when burglars fear freezing to your sidewalk while breaking into your house.  Lastly, it gives me a great excuse to bundle up in several layers, plop down on the couch, and enjoy a big bowl of comfort food.

Fear not, before we know it, we’ll be out of the deep freeze and into the tropics of summer.  I’m going to enjoy covering up while I can before warm weather arrives and my flesh is exposed to the masses.

New Years Resolutions? Whatever…

4 Jan

Well, if you’re like me, you probably pondered the thought of resolutions for the new year while watching Ryan Seacrest and Fergie on New Year’s Eve on the couch, in your pajamas, with a bag of Doritos.  Okay, that was just me but that’s beside the point.

The point is, we all make resolutions and by the end of the day on January 2, we’ve pretty much broken them all.  I’ll start dieting, exercising more, watching less TV, etc.  We start off with good intentions but then life gets in the way and before you know it, you’ll be pushing the resolutions off until next week.  Then next week becomes next month and then it’s all over. 

How do you make the resolutions stick?  Beats me.  I’ve yet to have one last for more than a couple of weeks.  The diet usually goes well until the Superbowl, then I’m toast.  Exercising works for about a month or so but then I get lazy and would rather park my butt on the couch than work out.

So, my advice to you is to do…nothing!  No resolutions whatsoever.  Why put the pressure on yourself?