Not Cop Wannabe Material

3 Mar

I’ve always been fascinated with cops.  I don’t know if it’s the uniform, the power, or the fact they’re pretty much all hot, I can’t get enough.  I participated in a citizens academy this past winter (my fourth) and I loved it.  In fact, I liked it so much I decided to interview for their police reserves.

It sounded like a lot of fun.  I can help out the hot cops and perform some community service (and maybe get a date or two out of the deal).  I interviewed a couple of weeks ago and it was horrible.  The interview couldn’t have gone any worse.

I walk in to the room and it’s four men in uniform (all not cute…I was robbed) and an employee of the city.  They didn’t seem too unfriendly at first until I was asked to give them my life story in three minutes.  I thought, “This is it, my moment to shine.  I’ll make them laugh.”

The three minutes began with “Once upon a time, I was born on this date at this hospital in Minnesota.  But, you probably already knew that.”  Crickets and stone faces.  You could hear a pin drop.  It was bad.  I’m so used to people laughing or at least smiling that it unnerved me and I became self-conscious and uncomfortable.

Next, the interrogation began.  I was asked why I hadn’t filled out the section of the application where they asked about police interactions.  I mentioned I really hadn’t had any.  I’ve never been arrested and only have had a jaywalking ticket and a few speeding and parking tickets.  I said they are probably off my record, they didn’t agree.

The old crabby uniform told me I’d be surprised what was on my record and they would find out everything.  I told him all of those tickets were back in the 1990’s and I hadn’t had any since.  He questioned me further but at the end mentioned, “Just to let you know, those tickets won’t count against you.”  What?!  Well, then why the hell were you asking me about them if they don’t matter!  Grrr!!

The more they asked me questions and how I would handle situations, the more obvious it was that I didn’t belong there.  The uniforms had zero sense of humor and thought they were the cat’s meow.  Really?  You are reserves….you’re not real cops!  Get over yourselves already!!

Needless to say, I didn’t get a reserve position, which is fine with me.  I’ll stick to drooling over men in uniform versus working with them.  Besides, those navy polyester pants are definitely not slimming nor in style this season.

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