Confused Woman!

Finally.  The light at the end of the tunnel.  May 22 is “D Day” which means “Divorce Day” for me.  That’s the day we meet with the judge to get the divorce finalized.  I guess it’s fairly casual, since we don’t have money-grubbing lawyers involved.  Just us and the judge.

I had mixed emotions when I received the letter in the mail.  The first reaction was “Finally!”.  The second reaction was sadness.  I feel bad for my daughter who won’t grow up with Mom and Dad under the same roof.  At the same time, I don’t want her with a Mom and Dad who are fighting constantly under the same roof.

I guess in some ways I feel like it’s a failure while at other times I feel like it’s a victory.  I’m sad we couldn’t get along and make it work, but I’m very happy I have a second chance at happiness.  An opportunity to begin a new chapter in my life and look forward to what that will bring.

I’m sure when the judge rubber-stamps the papers it will be tough for me to fight back the tears.  However, I will look forward to meeting my fellow runners that evening for running camp and my new man for a “D Day” celebration.  Life is good.

Why?  That is my question for the week…

Why bomb the Boston Marathon?  I sat in shock watching the news coverage.  What should be a celebratory moment was destroyed in seconds…insane…three killed, including an eight year-old boy.  I have a five year-old daughter.  I can’t imagine.  My thoughts and prayers go to Boston and all who were affected by this senseless act of violence.

Why does my friend Amy have brain cancer?  My dear friend Amy just informed me she has it.  I am in shock.  She’s a spit-fire…an amazing woman who’s gone through so many challenges yet still shines.

I met her at a local gym and was instantly attracted to her positive attitude and energy.  At the time, I had no idea the amount of challenges she had faced.  Amy was always bubbly and full of life, never giving away what was really going on.

We had signed up for a 5k and a triathlon this summer.  I hope she’s still able to tackle those races with me.  If not, I will for her.

Well, it’s been quite a week.  However, despite all the sadness, I’m encouraged by our resilience and ability to stand together and support each other.  United we stand.

Well, yesterday was the first session of the women’s running camp.  I had participated last year and enjoyed it so much I thought I’d sign up again.  I also convinced my friend, Karin, to join me.

At first, we were excited.  Then we panicked.  Holy crap.  We’re not ready to run.  Hell, we’re not ready to walk.  It’s been a long, painful winter in Minnesota and hardly motivating to get up and get moving.

Of course, the first day of camp, and it’s freezing.  The instructor told us it was the coldest it’s ever been for the class.  Great.  Thanks.  I’m really looking forward to this now.  It’s bad enough I have the bladder of a gnat and have to pee every 20 minutes and now you’re going to make me run in this?  Note to self: buy some Depends for next week.

We get outside and head for the running track.  It’s miserable.  Then we start to run.  Even more miserable.  Karin and I started yelling for someone to measure the track because we were sure it was way more than a mile.  Next, we started fantasizing about what we’d eat when we were done.  At the top of the list was a fast food drive-thru, pizza, and beer. ..and we wonder why we’re fat.

It was amazing how the run seemed to go faster the more we complained and thought about food.  Before we knew it, we weren’t just sucking wind, we were crossing the finish line hunched over and gasping for air.

Needless to say, we can’t wait for next week.  We’re running around a local park in frigid weather and full of hills.  The reward is going to a running store afterward for snacks, discounted shopping, and flirting with the cute owner.  Maybe attempted running isn’t so bad after all?

Yep…here I am…it’s April 3 and I’m a cow.  Well, not in the literal sense of course, but I’m feeling the bulge.  It’s not good.  I know I need to get my crap together, start working out and eating healthy but it’s hard when the weather sucks and Hamburger Helper still sounds delicious.

What’s a woman to do?  For starters, toss the casseroles and start eating salad.  Next, pack away all the fatty clothes…anything oversized and flannel.  Finally, blow the dust off the treadmill and weights and put them to use.

Now, will any of this happen anytime soon?  Perhaps.  Will I want to grab for another bag of Doritos and  cheese dip?  Yes.  But, at least this time, I’ll pause before I scoop.  A girl’s gotta start somewhere, right?