Big Fat Fu!@ing Failure

18 Aug

I didn’t do it.  I couldn’t do it.  The setbacks and mental demons got the best of me.  I thought I was ready to race after all the encouraging words and offers to help but in the end it wasn’t enough.

As yesterday progressed, I grew more and more depressed about the situation.  I still hadn’t heard from my boyfriend which made me really sad and angry.  Why hasn’t he reached out to see how I’m doing?  Why hasn’t he apologized?  Why hasn’t he wished me good luck?

I know I shouldn’t let a guy ruin my plans and screw things up but I did.  By the afternoon, I was mentally shot.  My eyes were all puffy…I looked like a damn basset hound.  So I spent the evening drowning my sorrows in beer and pasta.

I told myself earlier in the week not to quit because I always tell my daughter not to and I’d be a huge hypocrite if I did.  However, it just wasn’t meant to be.  Maybe I’ll try again next year.  Maybe I’ll just stay single.

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