Confused Woman!

I’ve been a prisoner in my home, hibernating from the elements.  School has been closed for the fifth time and winter is far from over.  Trying to work from home with a six year-old is challenging at best.

Because of this situation, my mind has wandered and wondered.  It’s a protective measure, like putting sunscreen on.  A necessary step to protect myself from edging towards insanity.  So, without further ado, I present to you my list.  A list of things I’ve thought about for far too long.

Why is it that:

• You get a new car, park it at the far end of the parking lot, someone with a Ford Pinto will park within an inch of your driver’s door.
• I get to the checkout line and I end up behind grandma with her 50 coupons and checkbook
• You race home to catch your favorite TV show and it’s preempted by some “urgent” news that no one gives a crap about
• I have an important lunch meeting and realize afterwards I had a big piece of broccoli stuck in my teeth
• I race up the stairs because I have to do something and when I get there I can’t remember what it was
• You worry so much about what everyone thinks when no one knows or cares who you are
• Everything bad for you has to taste so good and the healthy food tastes like torture
• No matter how hard I try to cook at home, nothing tastes as good as eating out…wait, I actually know the answer to this one…it’s because I’m lazy and I hate cleaning up!
• When you have nothing to do, your kids will leave you alone, but the minute you’re busy they’re all over you like a bad rash

Well, enough of a brain dump for now.  It’s time for the DVR and “Mob Wives”.

Ugh.  I don’t know about any of you, but I’m so sick of this arctic air, aka “Polar Vortex”.  I’m telling you, Mother Nature is a cruel bitch.  Why, you may ask?  Well, let me fill you in (vent).

We’ve been blasted with subzero temperatures and wind, forcing schools to close and us to get fat and hibernate.  Mother Nature then decides to tease us with a day or two above zero.  Great!  I can get outside, inhale some fresh air without pain, take a walk without fear of frostbite or death.

The next day, smack!  We’re once again hit with arctic cold, snow and howling wind.  She’s up there in her heavenly retreat, chuckling at what idiots we are to live here.  “Let’s torture these poor souls”, she thinks to herself, “who are foolish enough to think where they live is habitable.”

In the meantime (until June), I’ll lumber around looking like a Yeti outside, then retreating inside to crock pots of casseroles and cable television.  This is the life.

I finally broke down.  I had to do it.  My old car was nine years-old, which isn’t that bad, except I was smelling gas inside the vehicle.  Now to some, that would be an added feature, but to me it was a headache (literally).

The last straw was when the mechanic, who I’ve known and trusted for many years, could not figure out where the gas smell was coming from.  He had a fix that lasted for about a week, but then the smell returned.  After three attempts to fix it, I’d had enough.  The car had to go.

What a shock to go to dealers and see the price of new cars.  Wow.  I kept thinking, “My parents first house was less than the price of this car!”  Now granted, at first, my taste was a little on the high side (Infiniti).  Once I saw how much they wanted for that vehicle, the slap of reality set in.

I decided on a 2014 Toyota Camry.  It’s not the most glamorous car on the block, but it’s nice, reliable, and had the goodies I wanted.  Most people would care about leather/heated seats, navigation, and all-wheel drive.  I was ecstatic about ABS brakes, Bluetooth, and a USB port.

You see, my tunes are everything.  There’s nothing worse than going on a road trip to the boonies and hearing crappy country stations and static.  Now, I can enjoy my music with no commercials or interference.  Of course, I never go on trips, but whatever.

Then there’s this thing called the new car smell.  I don’t know what it is about that aroma, but it’s amazing.  Who needs candles and potpourri when I can sit in my car and inhale?

Yes, I am a survivor.  I admit it, I had my doubts.  It was tough.  School was closed for two days.  My daughter was bouncing off the walls while I attempted to work from home.

We were hermits for about 47.5 hours.  The other .5 hours was spent on an expedition to the McDonald’s less than a mile away.  We were dressed like bank robbers, with only our eyes exposed.

I was shocked by how cold the air was.  It stung even through the layers of clothing.  I was waiting for some penguins or a polar bear to walk by.  The short trip to grab fast food almost felt like a death-defying adventure.

It’s amazing we survived.  I was so thankful the high temperature today was above zero.  I feel almost invincible now that we conquered the big, bad Polar Vortex.  Maybe this weekend I’ll skydive or eat habanero peppers…not!!

Happy New Year to you and your loved ones.  May 2014 be the best year ever.  For those of you feeling a little under the weather this morning:  sip some ginger ale, take a couple of aspirin, and have the greasiest breakfast you can find.  A little hair on the dog doesn’t hurt either.  😉