Confused Woman!

Yes, my friends…the time has arrived…the new foods have been announced for the 2014 Minnesota State Fair.  It seems weird to be reading and writing about this after I just completed a kettlebell class, but that’s besides the point.

Here are some of the members of the freshman class at the fair:

• A bacon-wrapped turkey leg…hello?  Wouldn’t anything wrapped in bacon taste good?  Hell, they could have bacon-wrapped garbage on a stick and there would be a line around the block.
• Beer Gelato-Yes, it’s made with local craft beer.  However, the thought of beer in a mushy, frozen form is not appealing in any way.  Unless it’s a hot day and you can smear it on your neck to cool down.  Word of advice, don’t do that if you’re driving home.
• Jello Salad Ice Cream-If that tastes anything like the crap my great-aunts served at family gatherings then NO.
• Pizza Tots-Yum…how can you go wrong with a tater tot and pizza…brilliant!
• Pretzel Curds-Anything with cheese curds is going to be a winner…add a salty pretzel, bread crumb and beer coating and fry it…sheer heaven.  Hope they have a defibrillator nearby.

What’s the one food I’m most looking forward to (I know you’re on the edge of your seat in anticipation)?  It’s the Caribbean-Style Lobster Roll.  I absolutely love the Lobster Roll at the Smack Shack, my favorite restaurant in the North Loop.

If the MN State Fair version is anywhere near the deliciousness of theirs, I’ll be a happy gal. That is, until I get on the scale the next day, and realize how many kettlebells I’ll have to swing around to burn all of this off.

Yesterday was my 44th birthday.  However, I believe that 40 is the new 20 so physically I may be 44, but mentally I’m 24.  It was a nice, relaxing day, but also filled with mixed emotions.

I’m obviously happy about my birthday because it’s better than taking a dirt nap.  However, it also brought disappointment and frustration.

Disappointment because there are things I want to work on that I haven’t been able to due to lack of motivation and money.  I’m frustrated because I know that these are both lame excuses.

I’ve taken baby steps but not the leaps.  I signed up for a gym membership because our company worked out a great deal with them.  However, the last couple of weeks I’ve been unable to go.

Okay, that’s not entirely true.  I could have gone to a few sessions but I lost motivation when in class, I’m surrounded by a sea of fit people.  Where am I? There, in the corner, feeling like a fat sloth.  I know it’s all in my head and no one else in the class gives a crap what I look like, but I do and it sucks.

Financially, I’m also not where I want to be.  Am I on the brink of poverty or bankruptcy?  No. However, I would like to be in a lot better position.  It doesn’t help I pay a ridiculous amount for rent.  I would just like to be able to walk into the grocery store and not scan every price and only buy the bare essentials.

Despite the frustrations, I am truly in a good place.  I’m on my own and it’s wonderful.  It’s a challenge being a single parent, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  I’d rather be clipping coupons and living in a smaller place than have my daughter in a negative and stressful environment.

So, here’s to looking forward to the next year and making positive strides to be where I want to be.

Wow.  That’s all I have to say about KDWB’s Booty Cruise.  I’ve heard the stories and seen the photos but that pales in comparison to being there in person.

My friend and I were dressed like nuns compared to some of the young ladies on board.  These were some very confident (or highly intoxicated or both) gals.  Skinny/extremely overweight; tall/short; attractive/not so much; It did not matter.  These women wore outfits I would never wear outside of my house.  I’ve never seen so many tattoos and stilettos in one place.

The buffet line was around the room.  You could tell men were not on the boat, because women were walking away with plates of food like it was their last meal.  No men = pig out.

We mainly hung out on the first floor where psychic Gary Spivey was performing.  It was great to see him in person, but the women were so loud you couldn’t hear the person asking the question or Gary’s response.  Really frustrating.

The second level was where the male dancers were performing.  This was the wild level.  We passed through but kept right on going.  Neither of us are interested in nearly naked, greased-up men gyrating their junk in our faces.  No thanks.

The third level was outside and a nice break from the madness.  That is, until the end of the evening when the debauchery made its way up the stairs.  You can see the photos for yourself on daveryanshow.com.  All I can say is it was interesting.

I checked out the photos myself the next day.  Some of them were so disgusting I felt like I needed to take a shower after viewing them.  However, did that stop me from looking through them all or wanting to go back next year?  Hell, no!

It was like the MN State Fair on the river.  While I felt completely out of place and the experience otherworldly, I really did enjoy it.  The station puts on an awesome party and it’s great women can go out and have a good time together…I even made a couple new friends.  A blast!

I am very excited…I’m going on a riverboat cruise tomorrow evening on the beautiful St. Croix.  The last time I was on a river cruise was in 2000, so I think I’m due.  This boat ride, however, will be very different from my last.

My friend and I will be among hundreds on KDWB’s “Booty Cruise”.  We are very fortunate to be given the opportunity to experience this.  I’ve heard stories….the women board the boat and are very respectful and well-behaved.  Fast-forward a couple of hours, and these ladies become inebriated and wild.

Now back in the day, I would have totally been joining these women in the crazy, drunken escapades.  However, in my more mature “cougar” mode, I will still have fun but not be nuts.  No one wants to be seeing muffin tops and cellulite exposed anywhere…let alone flapping in the breeze on a boat.

I’ll leave the craziness up to the twenty-somethings.  I will have fun, but will most enjoy sitting back and enjoying the madness.  I’ve been there, done that…now it’s time to let others experience puking over the side of the boat and making out with some random dude.

It will be an interesting and fun experience…I can’t wait to share it with all of you…from a distance.