Mixed Birthday

18 Jun

Yesterday was my 44th birthday.  However, I believe that 40 is the new 20 so physically I may be 44, but mentally I’m 24.  It was a nice, relaxing day, but also filled with mixed emotions.

I’m obviously happy about my birthday because it’s better than taking a dirt nap.  However, it also brought disappointment and frustration.

Disappointment because there are things I want to work on that I haven’t been able to due to lack of motivation and money.  I’m frustrated because I know that these are both lame excuses.

I’ve taken baby steps but not the leaps.  I signed up for a gym membership because our company worked out a great deal with them.  However, the last couple of weeks I’ve been unable to go.

Okay, that’s not entirely true.  I could have gone to a few sessions but I lost motivation when in class, I’m surrounded by a sea of fit people.  Where am I? There, in the corner, feeling like a fat sloth.  I know it’s all in my head and no one else in the class gives a crap what I look like, but I do and it sucks.

Financially, I’m also not where I want to be.  Am I on the brink of poverty or bankruptcy?  No. However, I would like to be in a lot better position.  It doesn’t help I pay a ridiculous amount for rent.  I would just like to be able to walk into the grocery store and not scan every price and only buy the bare essentials.

Despite the frustrations, I am truly in a good place.  I’m on my own and it’s wonderful.  It’s a challenge being a single parent, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  I’d rather be clipping coupons and living in a smaller place than have my daughter in a negative and stressful environment.

So, here’s to looking forward to the next year and making positive strides to be where I want to be.

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