Archive | April, 2015

Mortgage Reject

30 Apr

I have never thought of myself as a reject before…rejected yes…but that’s another story. Tonight I’m referring to my incredible frustration with the mortgage industry and thanks to their own stupidity, basically reject everyone who isn’t financially perfect.

Prior to the real estate crash, which they created, the financing wizards gave out mortgages  like Chiclets.  Basically, if you had a pulse and some form of income, you were able to buy property.  As a result, surprise surprise, people defaulted on their loans and went belly up.

The market has seen a turnaround but unfortunately, those same financing geniuses are now cracking down on people attempting to buy a home.  It’s now harder than ever to get a loan to own a piece of the American dream.

You see, I have excellent credit, have never missed a payment, defaulted on a loan, or bounced a damn check, yet I can’t get a mortgage.  So, thanks to these fabulous human beings, I am stuck paying sky-high rent.  I am also unable to give my daughter a yard to play in, and that makes me feel like crap.

Perhaps in a couple of years you will give me another chance, dear loaners?  Maybe by then, you’ll realize that you can ease up on your own ridiculous criteria, now that you’ve made all of your money back from your catastrophic failure.

Back on the Treadmill Again

23 Apr

I admit, after I was laid off from my previous job back in July, I stopped giving a crap about exercising and eating healthy.  Getting the boot and having to go back to square one, with a young child, was a major kick in the teeth and killed my motivation.

All my security and confidence was stripped away faster than you can say unemployed. It was awful and it sucked.  I was very fortunate to find a job after a couple of months that didn’t pay the greatest, but gave me a place to go to every morning and a sense of purpose.  I will be eternally grateful for the opportunity because I can only imagine how depressing it would have been to be home, without a job, in the dead of winter.

Last month, I was extremely lucky to be placed by a consulting firm at an amazing company.  I may not be making as much as I was when I was laid off, but I am making more and doing work I really enjoy.  Another bonus:  they have an on-site fitness facility.

This is my opportunity to get back on track and focus on exercise and healthy eating.  I have zero excuses not to take advantage of it since it’s in the building where I work.  It’s also very reasonably priced and they offer group classes and incentives to stay motivated.

I will definitely need this help after I went in for the first meeting today.  The trainer had me weigh in…I thought for sure she was talking about another person. How can this be me?  Are you sure the scale is working properly?

Yep, unfortunately, she was referring to me and the scale was not broken.  Damn.  It’s amazing how quickly the pounds can sneak up on you when you abandon exercising and eat a bunch of crap.  Ugh.

Well, I can either sit around and feel sorry for myself or get my “ish” together and forge ahead.  It won’t be easy, and the pounds won’t fall off like they did in my twenties, but I’m hoping once I see some results, it will motivate me to keep on trucking!

White Trash Tennis

16 Apr

I love tennis.  Ever since I was a little kid hitting the tennis ball against the garage door, I have been obsessed with the sport.  I have also been known to spend hours in front of the television watching tennis tournaments.  It doesn’t hurt that I especially like the hot male players in tight white shorts (Yes, I’m referring to you, Novak Djokovic), but that’s another topic.

As much as I enjoy tennis, however, I tend to get a little competitive when I play. Okay, a little competitive is a major understatement.  I get incredibly into the game and very upset when I lose a point.

This is why I refused to play varsity tennis in high school.  The coach wanted me to play doubles because they felt my skills weren’t strong enough to play singles.  I told them I don’t share the court with anyone and walked away.

Fast-forward to present day.  The high school stubbornness and competitive streak have not diminished.  If anything, they’ve increased.  Case in point: white trash tennis. Let me explain.

Poor CF.  He and I started playing tennis a couple of years ago, right after we started going out.  He talked his skills down, saying he never really played and wasn’t that good.  I, however, did the complete opposite.  All I did was brag about how I could have played varsity tennis but turned them down and I would proceed to kick his butt all over the court.

Well, let’s just say I ate my words faster than a hungry person grabbing food in a buffet line.  I wasn’t just losing, I was being humiliated.  He kept saying they were lucky shots, and I kept telling him to shut up.

This is how the white trash tennis began and continues today.  There is no etiquette when we play.  I can’t tell you how frustrating it is to have other people next to you playing when all you want to do is curse like a sailor.

That’s when I have to get creative and use innuendos and hidden finger gestures to get my frustration across.  If there are kids around, forget it.  I then end up with all this pent-up frustration that either gets vented on the car ride home or comes out later in the evening.

Thank goodness CF finds this all very entertaining.  Every time I say “son of a bitch” when I miss a shot or lose a point, he looks to the heavens and tells his Mom that it’s okay, I’m not talking about her.  I can’t even print the rest of the words that spew from my mouth. Well, I could, but then this would become a white trash blog and I am so above that….


Poo Pause

9 Apr

I think about this all the time, but especially did today after it was discussed on a local morning radio show.  The hosts were talking about using public restrooms for a poo break and how women have a very difficult time going when another woman is in the bathroom.

This is SO true!  Why is that?  It’s a normal, human function, yet we’re like a deer in headlights and frozen in a “I can’t go” state until we are alone.  You’ll then let out a sigh of relief, start doing your thing, and then freeze again when you hear the restroom door open.

The next thought is, “Oh crap!”, and your body has a similar and unwanted reaction. You wince and wait.  Unfortunately for you, the other woman also has a need that clearly conflicts with yours.  Thus the waiting game begins.

It’s so ridiculous to sit there for a substantial amount of time, but yet you will, for fear of embarrassing yourself.  Of course, the other woman feels the same way, so it becomes the battle of the wills and bodily controls.

My wish would be for public restrooms to have sealed-off stalls for these events to take place in, so it’s private and contained.  An alternative would be to blast music and shoot air freshener through the vents.  That way, you will have the tunes to sing to, drown out any unwanted noises, and experience a pleasant smell to drown out any noxious fumes.  It would be like a nightclub bathroom on a Friday night but without the booze, line, vomit, and lack of toilet paper.

I think I’m onto something here…hello managers of public and corporate restrooms? Trust me, you will increase productivity in the bathrooms and work cubes by adding these couple little ambiance enhancers.

Am I The Fool, April?

1 Apr

Yeah, it’s April 1, which means I should have expected an onslaught of practical jokes, outright lies, or absolutely nothing.  What did you experience?  I heard crickets and had a plain, old, average day.  In other words, not a darn thing happened.

Am I disappointed?  Yes and no.  If it was a joke that was not harmful or too embarrassing, then bring it.  If not, then be forewarned I might not react in a good “I’ve been pranked” way.  In other words, don’t mess with my food or suggest money is coming my way when it’s not.

Then again, it was kind of funny to hear a co-worker freak out his daughter over the phone with an April Fools joke.  People were hesitant to try treats someone brought in for fear they were seriously something not fit for human consumption.

I hate surprises and being caught off-guard, but maybe for one day I could lighten up and have fun with the “holiday”.  Perhaps next year instead of being the April Fool I can be the April Fooler and bring out the inner prankster in me.

If anyone has some great April Fools you pulled today let me know…I’d love to hear about them!