Confused Woman!

Now that it’s getting closer to summer and the Memorial Day weekend has passed, I’m thinking about getting out to bond with nature.  However, the days of me camping under the stars or in a crappy little tent are over.  The only way I’ll escape the cities for the woods is if I’m either staying in a hotel or a camping castle on wheels.

I know, I’m sure I sound like a demanding diva, but I don’t really mean to be.  It’s just that I’m old and I like to be comfortable.  When I was a kid and young adult, it was no big deal to sleep on the ground and pee in the forest.  Nowadays?  No way.

You see, after having a kid, I have the bladder of a gnat.  I just look at a liquid and I have to hit the restroom.  There’s not a chance I will make it through the night without having to use the facilities and I’ll be damned if I’ll traverse the woods at night for an outhouse.  I would be in total fear I’d be some psycho’s re-enactment of Friday the 13th and end up on the evening news.

There’s also the issue of the old body laying on the ground.  Sure you have a sleeping bag and maybe an air mattress, but it’s still not the comfy pillow top mattress at home with the 500 thread count sheets.  At least in the camping castle, the sheets could come with me and I wouldn’t have paralysis from sleeping on tree roots and rocks.

I do love a good campfire and nothing smells better than coffee and bacon being made on that fire.  However, if you’re like me and your campfire cooking skills suck, you could always microwave a meal in the camping castle microwave!

So, here’s to summer and being one with nature…and remember….there’s always a convenience store, camper to rent, or hotel nearby…do they deliver pizza into the woods?

Yep, that’s me.  I am the clueless parent who never really knows what’s going on.  It’s not that I couldn’t get my act together, it’s just hard to undo the Scatter Brain.

I’m focused on so many tasks that when my daughter says she needs her Daisy petals ironed onto her vest, I do them all.  At the next meeting, I’m gently reminded the girls have to actually EARN the petals…and she has only earned one.  Oops.

My daughter was supposed to memorize the Girl Scout Promise and Girl Scout Law. No sweat, I thought.  I have them memorized from when I was a Girl Scout.  Heck, we don’t even need the handouts with them printed out for our convenience.

I taught my daughter both and was so proud she knew them by heart…and then she went to the meeting.  My kid ended up being embarrassed when she was reciting the wrong words for both the Promise and the Law.  Who knew they would change them from the 1970’s?

The cookie sales were different from my Girl Scout days as well.  Nowadays, they still have some of the old standards like Thin Mints but have quite a few new ones as well. These are cookies I have never heard of or tried and yet I’m supposed to sing their praises like they’re Thin Mint worthy.  They even have a gluten-free cookie for crying out loud.  If it weren’t for the cookie cheat sheet I would have no clue what we were selling.

Thank goodness I am not running the troop and there are two fabulous moms who are. It’s a great organization and I am proud my daughter participates and loves it.  I’m very glad I can just sit on the sidelines and provide entertainment for the troop leaders and parents.

This is a fun game to play.  It began when I left a previous job for my new position in March.  I was excited about the new job, however, as a contractor I get no health insurance.  The choices out there for getting your own insurance are not great.

I could have taken the COBRA option from my previous employer, but the ridiculously high premiums steered me away.  My contracting company did offer a plan, but it was not much better.  I decided to check out the insurance marketplace and try to get my own insurance.

The choices were there, but not cheap.  Oh sure, you can pay through the nose and get top-notch coverage, but there’s no way I can afford that without swinging my legs around a pole.

I decided to get a less expensive plan, but wait a couple of months to start coverage. On the plus side, I would save two months of paying premiums.  The downside?  I’ve been a nervous wreck.  I’m beyond paranoid something will happen and I will end up in the hospital with zero coverage.

Granted, with COBRA, they are obligated to cover you for up to 60 days, so if something does happen, I will be covered.  Of course, I will have to pay the insanely high premiums, but I will have insurance.

Considering the amount of anxiety I’ve had, so far things have been good.  I was feeling great and having no real concerns about not paying the premiums until this past Monday.

A weekend of having too much fun resulted in me having terrible stomach pains.  It was to the point that I wanted to leave work and go home, but I couldn’t, since I have no sick time.  I also don’t have insurance, so going to the doctor wasn’t an option.

I toughed it out for a couple of days, thinking it would get better and it didn’t.  By Tuesday night, I was drinking Pepto Bismol like water (not really, but it felt like it). I’m sure the anxiety I felt about not being able to go to the doctor didn’t help the situation.

At this point I’m cursing myself thinking why didn’t I just pay the money and get the damn insurance?  However, today my stomach did feel better and my stress has eased. I’m hoping everything will be fine now and my gamble will have paid off.

This medical roulette experience has not been fun or easy but unfortunately, I know I’m not the only one out there taking these chances.  At least the risk is only to myself and not my daughter.  I wonder how many others can say the same?

I don’t care what doctors, nutritionists, or personal trainers say…there is such a thing as negative metabolism…just ask my body.  It’s true and it sucks.

I started hitting the gym at work last week.  Now I know I can’t expect to see results this quickly, but you’d think I’d see a little difference?  Alright, maybe my expectations are set a little to high?  Okay, okay….ridiculously too high.  I can’t help it, though.

I look around the gym and see all of these skinny minis who should be eating, not exercising.  There’s no way I’d be next to them on the treadmill because people would mistake us for the “before and after” photos.

I take one look at them and want to run into the locker room and hide.  But wait, I don’t want to do that because that’s where I change into my workout clothes.  Great, now I’m embarrassed and cowering on the gym floor and in the locker room.

Know what I hate?  Every other television commercial is for some weight loss clinic, with every person having lost a significant amount of weight.  “Hi, I’m Betty and I lost 86 pounds in three weeks.  It was easy!  You can do it too!”

It’s all I can do to stop myself from yelling at the television and telling them to shut up. The claims are so ridiculous.  Maybe the clinics are good, but they sound pretty expensive and I would think it would be tough to keep the weight off after you stop eating their little meals.  I’d lose a ton of pounds too if I ate like a bird.

My daughter has now started to talk back to the commercials as well, telling them to stop making her mommy feel bad.  It’s nice to have my kid stick up for me, but isn’t that kind of the point of the ads?  If they made me feel amazing, I wouldn’t be barking back at them and wishing I had the money to pay for the rabbit kibble.