Confused Woman!

Every year I make them and every year I break them.  It seems to be a waste of time, yet I can’t tear myself away from going through the motions of resolution making.

They have pretty much been the same few for the past several years….lose weight, exercise more, eat healthier, reduce debt/save money, etc.  I am good with sticking to the listed items and then a few weeks later, I’m right back where I started.

Frustrations mount and then I just say forget it.  Bad habits are hard to break and new routines even harder to stick with.  I forget my mind and body are not that of a 25 year-old and just fall in line and snap back into shape.

What are your resolutions for the new year?  Will you stick with them?  Advice on how to break bad habits and stick to new ones?

Happy New Year and cheers to a fabulous 2016!

This is my version of Jingle Bells….

Driving through the snow, in a four-door vehicle

O’er the roads I go, cursing all the way

Horns on cars honking, making Mama nuts

What fun it is to swerve and brake in shopping traffic tonight

Oh, shopping trips, breaking nerves

Trudging through the aisles

Oh what fun it is to give and cry over bills later

Oh, Christmas time, on a dime

That’s not good to do

Oh what fun it is to be

In debt up to your neck!

Have a wonderful and safe holiday season!

I decided this week to go and get a full wax.  This means wipe the slate clean, no hair, very bare.  I’ve done this before…it was almost two years ago.  You know how you forget about the pain of childbirth so you keep reproducing?  Yep, this is the hair and wax equivalent.

Entering the waxing room, I was still in a good mood, until I had to lay on the table with my legs replicating a butterflied pork chop.  The panic started to set in.

The first strip was ripped off and I clenched my teeth and cursed to myself.  The second strip brought out the inner swears and the biting of the lip.  “Oh, next time, just take some Ibuprofen beforehand and the pain won’t be so bad.”  Gee, thanks…now you tell me.

She progressed and became “more involved” with every wax swipe and strip rip.  I felt like my southern hemisphere was being peeled off of my body and thrown in the trash.  She told me to breathe when all I wanted to do was scream and beg for mercy.

The entire time I kept thinking why on earth do us women do this to ourselves?  Why the torture so we can look good where…in the dark?

The waxing was over and all I could think about was my throbbing privates and how I can’t wait to go home and self-medicate.  As I hobbled to the front desk she thanked me and asked when I would like to schedule the next appointment.  Hmmm….is when hell freezes over soon enough?

For my daughter’s eighth birthday, she received a gift card from a family friend.  What did she want to purchase with said card?  Clothes, of course!

We checked out JCPenney’s website, which had great Black Friday online sales.  She found a bunch of cute items and I pressed the “Buy” button.

The minute I completed the purchase, the questions and whining began.  When will the clothes arrive?  Can’t they get here any sooner?  Why didn’t you choose express shipping?  What?!  Four to seven business days?  Mom, what’s a business day?

After a week, I seriously wanted to cancel the order because she was driving me nuts.  It didn’t help the package was shipped via UPS, but for some reason was delivered to the local post office versus my apartment building.

By some miracle, the postal worker was able to dig through the pallets of UPS deliveries and found her clothes.  It was like she was Santa Claus.  My daughter was ecstatic, and I was given the present of smiles and the question, “How does this look, Mom?”.

Below is a link to an interview I did Thanksgiving evening on WCCO Radio with Jordana Green for my book, “Confused Woman: Tales & Advice on Love, Dating & Relationships”.

http://www.rmapublicity.com/images/stories/Audio/Confused%20Woman%20-%20WCCO%20Radio,%20Minneapolis%20-%20November%2026,%202015.mp3

It’s funny, and ridiculous, how we have to go through this dog and pony show each and every winter.  I live in Minnesota, and yes, it snows.  Yet, somehow, that concept gets erased from everyone’s brain once spring arrives.

Yesterday was our first measurable snowfall and you would think it was Armageddon.  The local news spent 23 out of 30 minutes talking about the weather.  If they weren’t pointing to maps and trying to scare us to death, they were on the road with “live action commuting conditions”.

The driving on the roads themselves is even worse.  You have the drivers in SUV’s that think they’re invincible, forgetting even their tanks slide on ice.  You also have drivers that don’t believe, or care, that snow and ice is slippery and you need to brake sooner than right behind the vehicle in front of you.

Then there are the drivers like me….the slow pokes.  I have spun out too many times in my younger years that now I’m terrified I will end up in the ditch or hitting someone.  So I am the annoying car going well below the speed limit in the right lane, driving everyone behind me nuts.  I’m so tense when I drive, my fingers are stuck in the “gripping the steer wheel” position after I exit the car.

This is why we need cars that drive themselves.  The vehicles won’t panic or not give a crap when the weather is bad.  They will just do their job and get us from Point A to Point B safely, without road rage or dented fenders.