The Delusional Male

25 Jul

I am in the process of training for a half-marathon in September.  Of course, I am nowhere near in shape to complete this race, but that’s beside the point.  There will be firemen at the finish line placing medallions around the necks of those who conquer the race.  Men in uniform…always a good thing.  So, as I am running/walking around a lake the other morning, I’m wondering why some men aren’t getting the message in the dressing department?

For example, the “shirtless who should never be shirtless” male.  Yes, it was hot and humid the other morning, but did you really think it was a good idea to walk around the lake without a shirt on and your gut hanging out and over your shorts?  I know you think you’re a prime hunk of beefcake but trust me, the look is not appealing.  All it makes me want to do is run faster and avoid eye contact at all costs.  On top of that, what’s up with the “puntable dog” you were dragging along the trail?  Women want a man who has a real dog like a lab.  It does not make you look like a macho stud to be walking an ankle-biter wearing booties.

As I continue around the lake, I see another clearly fashion-challenged male.  This person thought he’d be really attractive to the opposite sex by sporting not only a neon headband but black socks pulled up to his knees with white tennis shoes.  Ooh, baby…I could barely restrain myself from attacking him.  Between the glow in the dark headband and the chrome dome he was sporting, the reflection temporarily blinded me, causing me to nearly run off the trail.

Do these guys even bother to check a mirror before they leave home?  Or is their thinking so warped they can’t see reality?  As much as I complain about my husband, if this is what’s out there to date, I’ll put up with my pain in the butt.  At least he knows to keep it covered in public.

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