Now that summer is finally here, it’s swimsuit season, or in my case hide in the closet season. Unfortunately, my friends will not let me be a hermit, so I have to hit the beach. They have pushed me to wax the va jay jay…and due to my stupidity and alcohol consumption, I agreed.
I made the appointment and asked if the waxing hurt. The receptionist claimed, “It just hurts like a little band-aid. The pain will be over before you know it and you’ll look fabulous.”
Yep. What a total liar and great salesperson she was. Lying on the table as the wax was applied I thought, “Well, this isn’t so bad. It’s warm and gooey…feels kind of like a honey bath.” Then the first rip came.
Holy shit. I screamed like those girls from the horror movies. Not just any scream, but the full blood-curdling scream. Then the next rip came. I screamed so loud, I’m sure the Subway employees next door thought I was giving birth.
The next several rips produced enough decibels I thought for sure the storefront windows would shatter. Throughout this process, I’m thinking, “First of all, why the hell would anyone willfully do this to themselves. Secondly, when I see my friend, I’m punching her dead in the face.”
After a couple of days and several ibuprofen and Miller Lites, I felt much better and the va jay jay did look amazing. Would I do it again? Yes. Will I bring a brick to bite down on and a bottle of Valium to put me in “pain-free fairy land”? Absolutely.
Confused Woman! 
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